I am sitting here thinking that I don’t want this blog to just be about whining and complaining and writing nothing but bad times. But, honestly right now my insides shake and wobble because there is nothing steady or comforting in life. I feel like I am walking around waiting for him to drop a bomb on me. I feel like he does his thing and I am just stuck here in this house.
Little J ask yesterday if we were having a cook out today with people over. Of course we arn’t. For starters for years when we did that Mr. Mee hated it. He didn’t understand it. Why always here? Why always are we footing the bill? Now, there is no one to invite and the other kids have finally taken his hint and stay away. So, where does that leave little J? He has semi memories of fun times on picnic day, but the rest are going to be depressing memories because we do nothing.
I remember the softball games in the back yard and all that. He does to and that is what he wants now and now they are a thing of the past. I guess I need to find away to make it better for him by myself. But, first I have to get myself out of this funk.
Mr. Mee of course is golfing this morning and then going straight to work. Work on Memorial Day? He has never worked before on Memorial Day. He says there are people coming in today. He will get done around 5:30. I hope he comes right home and we can salvage some of this day. Maybe I will just take little J down to him this afternoon so Little J can atleast have a little fun around other people today. I hate that everything is lonley and depressing for him now.
See, this is what I need to fix in life. I can’t be allowing this to occur with him so young. I have to pull myself out of the pits of hell and do something for him.
Yesterday was a was because of staying up so late Friday nite and then getting up early to do Mr. Mee’s blood pressure. I never could go back to sleep. I never did get anything done at all. No laundry, nothing. I guess today I bust my butt to get all that done.
I want to be happy. Damn her for going down there last Friday and damn me for going down and catching them. Damn it all to hell.
Dear God, I pray to you from the inner sould of myself. Please Dear Lord, help me to see what it is you feel I need to do with this situation. Help me to be silent and listen for Your commands. For Your guidance. I pray for my husband that he will see that his marriage and his family is all he needs. I pray to work side by side with him to turn our life around. To hlep him through his daily problems. I pray dear Lord for us to come back together as a couple and to work through all the problems in our life.
In Jesus name….I pray………………………….Amen
