I caught him out at her shop having his hair cut. My God. He promised that wasn’t going to happen again.
We had this talk. I said “are you going to quit talking to her” He said “we both know the answer to that question.” I told him it was over than. He said what they have and what he wants from her is not a relationship. She just is a comfortable friend to him. What? One he has screwed? One he lied about? In the beginning when I found out that was the thing. They were friends. If it was nothing then why hide it?
She just calls his phone anytime now. Last night, this morning. Now, she does it because she wants to irriate me. She knows me. For God’s sake she was my best friend for how many years. I honestly do not know what to do.
I ask him again this morning if this was going to continue and he gets so flustered….he thinks he is doing nothing wrong and he says I don’t know…. back in Feb he ask me to please give him time to get her out of his life. For the calls to stop etc.
Why did her husband move back in? He is living down there again. Why? I ask my husband and he says “why are you asking me that” I don’t know why” bull shit. Don’t tell me he doesn’t know why the man moved back in. If they are such great friends wouldn’t he know?
Someone give me some advice here. I need advice from someone.
It sounds like he has no respect for you at all. He will continue on and on until you make the decision to either lay down the law or leave him.
When you have told him its over, how often has that happened? If you have said this repeatedly to him, then he knows you are not serious. This causes him to see all this as some sort of game. You need to come up with a deal breaker. An example, if he continues to have contact with her, then he needs to move out. This doesn’t mean that you no longer love him or want your marriage to be over. This just means that he needs to decide what he really wants. If you put him in this position, it will cause him to think and be forced to decide what he really wants.
Come, get help from people who have BTDT.
When your H took vows, there were only supposed to be two people in the marriage. He chose you and you only to be by his side forever. He has forsaken those vows by bringing a third person into the marriage.
It is not enough to end the affair. He needs to put you in your rightful place by his side, putting you above all else. That means no contact with the OW.
Sadly I have learned that only one person cannot work towards a marriage. It only works if both parties (and no more than two) are involved in the marriage.
You have a right to tell him…not ask…TELL…that there will be two people in your marriage. No more, no less. If he can’t live with that, then he doesn’t deserve the right to remain married to you. Show him what divorce will really entail. See a lawyer and get an idea of your rights. Get him legally obligated to support you. Make him find a place to live, have him set up a visitation schedule. Things like that.
You cannot reconcile with only one person participating. My story- it’s only the first part. There was another affair. In the years in between, I was the one hurting and reaching and trying while he tried to pretend he did nothing wrong. It only collapsed under the weight of the lies and distance.
Don’t make my mistake. Stand up for yourself. You don’t want the man he is now…that man is an unrepentant cheater and liar. You love the man he was, the man you hope he can be. He will not change from that cheating lying jerk until he is motivated.
Motivate him. Push him off the fence. If he runs to her, did you really want someone like that anyhow?
You are so strong and you probably don’t even see it because you are struggling so hard. Just the fact that you keep struggling keeps you strong.
Just thought I would check on you to see how you’re doing. I hope all is okay.