He has left again.

There is so much we need to work through before we can move forward.

The other woman… she is something. Him… God…I can’t even explain it all.

She won’t stop…he knows that he can not come to me to even talk about a future until she is gone…I mean gone from our lives forever.

What will the future bring? Who knows. I take it a day at a time and try to just keep myself from calling him, thinking of him. It is hard.

What has the other woman done? The first one basically said, “I was hot for him so I went after him, all the while pretending to be your friend. I hurt when it ended (weeks later).”

The second? “It’s your fault, I have no regrets. I needed this ‘luuuuuv’. ” and worse.

If I am held down by someone and raped by someone else, then I sure as hell blame the person who held me down as much as the rapist. We lack accountability in society. Acting against societies rules (such as infidelities) will get you judgment, resentment, revenge and so on. Women like this make a choice. It doesn’t matter who they are promised to. What matters is that we are supposed to be held to a higher standard as people than dogs rutting in the street.

You can surely see that Minney has had enough pain, she doesn’t need to be lectured on who to blame. No betrayed spouse does. We are always ACUTELY aware of who has hurt us. The problem is, it is mixed with affection, while often we have none for the other person.

Fast forward to about 5 weeks ago and things go haywire. I noticed a change in him. One thing that has always bothered him is when I retaliate to her on the computer. She would type something on my AIM space and I would just get aggravated and do something stupid back. She would call him and tell him I started it. He hates computers. He says the computer stole his wife a few years back. He told me and he told her he didn’t want to hear no shit about who wrote what on what if it came from that computer.

Something happened around that time. Up till then he would ignore her calls. Then, I caught her down at his work. I think I posted about that. It wasn’t nice. That threw whatever into craziness. He couldn’t believe me, little ole me, sweet little old me could grab her and get ready to punch her. His wife would never do that. His wife would never do half the stuff i have done. I can only take so much.

So somewhere around there he says…..when we talked in Feb and I said I wanted to come back home I wasn’t think of me and how it would effect me. I was only thinking of you and how it effected you. I am still not sure what he means by that. I ask him if he loved her. He says no. I ask him what is it then? She comforts him…..she is that type of friend. Whatever is what I say.

He says his head is all messed up. He doesn’t understand how I can live everyday with him, still love him because when he looks in the mirror he doesn’t even like himself.

He will not go to counseling he doesn’t believe in it. I actually don’t either.

Another issue is…..and i know all along this has bothered him. He hates to punch a time clock. Hates being checked up on…questioned over and over. I can do that. Although, here lately I have really backed off. Not for his sake, but for mine. I am trying to gather the strength to do what I feel is right for me and our son. I don’t want to lose my husband. I love him with all my heart. I forgave him and was willing to put the past in the past, but he obviously can’t do that and I have given and given for 20 years. Put up with stuff no other woman would have and it is time for me. I don’t want to be alone or live without him, but sooner or later he has to learn that he can not continue to do this to me. I am a human being with feelings. I hurt. I deserve better.

I will not settle for them having a friendship. I am sorry I can’t give that. I have given a lot…but, I draw the line there.

It still hurts b/c it’s a huge betrayal. It also still hurts b/c the jerk is still in touch with the slut. They can not have sex, but if they are still in contact, they are keeping the affair going in one manner or another.

An affair is a fantasy. They convince each other they are wonderful. That those awful feelings they have about themselves deep inside are misplaced. So they have to try and continue the fantasy so the feelings- which got even worse when they treated their loved ones w/ such cruelty- continue. Deep down inside, they know it doesn’t have enough substance to last, or they’d be together. What we really and truly want, we make happen.

So they live their lie, pretending to be star-crossed lovers. As a betrayed spouse, our only choices are to put up with it or make them face reality. I vote- face reality.