I thought I should really start writing more in this blog. Don’t I say that everytime I come here? Which is not daily like i had intended.
My life right now is very confusing. It is exisiting. He has left again. He had to.
I am stronger. I know myself now that we can never have anything as long as I am settling for him to talk to her. For her to call him. Him to return her calls. Him to go to where she works. I can not settle for less than total commitment to our marriage.
I think he is going through some mid life craziness and quite frankly he wouldn’t go through mine with me so why should I go through him with his? Mine was not cheating and finding members of the opposite sex to pump me up. It was more mental and feeling worthless and was confussing. I needed alone time and he turned to her during mine because I “ignored” him. So be it.
Now, he can figure out what he wants in life. He will never find another woman who will love him as I did. It is his loss.
If he likes being single then so be it.
I am tired of being sick. Tired of thinking. Tired of going through my days alone. I really am. I need to find something or someone to fill that love. It is only fair.
I don’t know where we are going to end up. We are in a financial bind right now. We are just going through life. Our son is mad at his father and doesn’t want him here at all. Not for anything.
He says “he is just going to leave again mom, he is just going to put you through the same shit he has been putting you though, he will never change.”
Here it is holiday time. I soooo hate the holidays. I have for 3 years now. I don’t like anything which involves family time. I have no family. It is broken and spread out everywhere. With a million emotions running wild. From the kids to the parents. To aunts, uncles and cousins.
It is crazy. It is nuts. Does this really happen to people? Do people ever get through something like this?
The Woman In Me 